You Can Do It!

I'm totally a step-back and let them figure it out kind of mom.  Does that make me lazy? maybe.  But I defend my parenting style by choosing to believe I am nurturing independence, confidence and problem solving.

We brought the boys to the playground today and they were climbing, sliding, running and jumping to their hearts' content.

While I was watching the big one climb and slide, and my husband was pushing the little one around on his trike, a family showed up to... well I guess to play, but i hesitate to call it that... and it took all the self control I had not to shout "You're doing it wrong! Move, let me show you how to be the perfect parent!"

The first thing the little girl tried to do was climb up a chain rung thingy to get to the top of the play scape.  A fairly easy task for her age, she had to be 3 or 4, and this was no Everest.  Before she had one finger on the rung her father says "She can't do that.  Don't let her do that.  That's not for her." He saw some stairs for her to use instead and insisted she use those, the whole time calling for her to be careful and go slow.  She didnt quite lift her foot high enough and bumped a toe on the next step, and while it didn't bother her at all, dear ol' dad was quick to shout "don't run, take it easy"... a sentiment he repeated over and over during this most restricted playground trip.

Everywhere the girl turned she was followed by her father's instructions to mom: "don't let her do that, she can't, its too big, that's not for her, no more over there, she can't, she can't, she can't..."

NO KIDDING SHE CAN'T! YOU DON'T GIVE HER THE CHANCE!

Even my one year old was climbing up these things.  And I know in his head he was thinking that it was only because my kids are boys was I so at ease...or maybe he thought I was being neglectful, who knows.... But in my head I was thinking about how much damage he is doing by setting nothing but limits and declaring nothing at all positive in regard to his daughter's abilities.

I am my kids' biggest cheerleader.  I encourage them constantly.  Do they whine, yeah of course.  Do they get angry when they have trouble doing something.....oh yeah they do (and it drives me crazy)! But I do my best to offer instruction so they can figure it out, or model for them so they can have their own success later.

Yeah, sure, I sometimes sound like a crazy person "woohoo"-ing and "oh yeah!!!"-ing and doing victory dances with the kids.  But when they shout down "I do by myself, mommy! My strong have big muscles for climbin'! Don't need help, me big boy!"...well...how do you not?